“I need to share something and it’s not good news. In fact, it’s really bad. And there is no easy way to say this but I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer and it is ……”

My mind tuned out as soon as our therapist Megan* shared her news. My heart dropped and I felt sick for this woman who has led me through troubled waters. 

“It started in the colon and has gone to the liver and there are spots on the stomach lining…”

Ugh. I hate this. How could this even happen? My mind keeps wandering to the moments her wisdom carried us. This beautiful woman was an answer to prayers I offered as I navigated life with one of my children. Heaven brought her to me and I have learned so much sitting in her office. Feeling somewhat desperate and definitely frustrated/confused, I shared what was happening in our family and she immediately said, “Sounds like we need to build up some resilience.” In that moment, I felt hope because I suddenly had someone to help us in exactly the ways we needed right then. 

“Fortunately, the baby was born healthy and I am going to do everything I can to fight it. I want to walk into remission and live a long life and be there for my kids…my 3 children but also my other kids…like you.” 

Two weeks after delivering her newborn, Megan found out her body was covered in cancer. She presented our options and laid out what is going to happen as she fights for her life. She expressed her desire to keep working with us and that she planned to only keep four clients. She wanted to keep giving back to the world and not just be someone fighting cancer at home. Megan wanted to make a difference while she still could but also shared it may be hard to watch her health change as the chemo continues on. 

My heart broke as I watched my child process this and as I considered everything this means for Megan and her family. Three little kids, one of which is only a couple months old. One brilliant woman, fighting for her life. One husband, trying to find a miracle in a sea of brutal facts.

“How can this even be?” I find myself silently asking. “Be strong. Stay present. It’s not about you,” I remind myself.

And then I watch my teenager totally show up strong and vulnerable. I see him show up in love, focus in on her pain, and respond with the very things she has taught him to do. Resilience, faith, emotion come out. “We will pray for you, every single day. We will never stop and you will get better.” The tears flow for all of us. Megan instructs us to go home and talk about it – she doesn’t want us to feel obligated to come back if it is not right for us. My son immediately says he isn’t ready to be done and will walk this path for a while and will speak up if it gets too hard. We review her chemo schedule and talk about what the process will be like and then she says, “I don’t want my cancer to get in the way of what you need.” And my son says, “I don’t want what I need to get in the way of your cancer healing.”

Sheryl Sandburg wrote, “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.” My heart swells with pride for both of them. They are both living and breathing resilience! How easy it would be for her to only focus on herself? And how easy it would be for my teenager to only think of his needs. In a time where so much selfishness exists in the world, we are practicing the skills of compassion, vulnerability, and resilience in this tiny office where healing takes place. This relationship has been miraculous. I could probably write a small book on what we have learned together sitting on her grey couch anchored on the floral rug that has never been centered quite right. Every single week I wanted to fix that rug and suddenly it doesn’t matter one bit.

We work through a couple of things and my son ends the session by saying, “I guess we will both be practicing resilience together this week.” To think that he is getting it! In the midst of his life lesson showing up in a way that breaks my heart, I feel so lucky and blessed and overwhelmed. This woman has helped my progress as a mother, provided key stability for our family,  and I can hardly process that now her own mothering future is in question. Her kids deserve to know how amazing she is. They deserve to know how she just understands teens and unites families. They should learn every tool she has to combat depression, anxiety, false thinking, self-confidence and more. My kid would not be able to respond to her unimaginable challenge if she hadn’t given of herself and invested in him. This isn’t fair. I know this may seem dramatic, but we had an immediate connection and Megan impacted our lives forever.

I come home and just lay in my bed and cry tears for what might happen and what might not. I can’t imagine where we would be if our paths hadn’t crossed and I can’t help but think how I can help her right now. The tears come in waves and roll down my face. My sleeves aren’t enough to handle the accompanying snot and it doesn’t matter because sometimes ugly crying is part of real life. Justin comes in and starts the diffuser. He can’t make this hurt go away but he knows the oils will help me gather myself and bring some balance back in. I roll some Comforting Blend and Rose on my heart and wrists. These two essential oils have never smelled so good and within minutes I have stopped crying, feeling grateful in this moment for the simple way oils can help in these moments of grief and confusion. The hurt doesn’t go away but the hope has woken up to accompany me in this unexpected experience.

“Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more. I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.” 

Sheryl Sandberg, Option B

I start breathing again and realize that I am still here learning resilience while praying for a miracle. And while it hurts, and I wish I could make cancer go away, I can feel the gratitude and lean in, together, because that is what we have right now.  

I did it again. It always happens unintentionally. I’m moving with distinct vision and perfect clarity, keeping joy as a priority, when suddenly I realize I have gotten completely off track. I allow myself to get stuck in the busyness of life, I say “yes” to commitments when I should be saying “no,” I throw self care out the window, and I produce as much as I can for the outside world. I know better but I still fall into the trap of life. 

You see, I’ve learned this lesson before. I have learned that I do my best work when I prioritize joy. This is simply me scheduling time for fun, choosing into the spontaneity of fun instead of constantly choosing responsibility. Prioritizing joy means I whisper encouragement into my soul as I do things that just make me happy, because they make me happy. I allow joy to be the goal and the reason and remember I was created for joy.  I just came off a ten 10 business trip that was awesome and fabulous in so many ways. However, I tend to travel with a purpose and like to maximize my time while I am away. I found myself with a completely full schedule (which I like) and didn’t take time to explore the cities I visited. I stayed focused and engaged in my business appointments – and loved it! But my soul needs down time in order to thrive. When I am focused and producing in my business, I must also take time to increase my joy or else I end up burnt out! 

A few years ago my therapist gave me the assignment to practice joy every week. I became a student of joy, testing what actually made my heart sing and what I really didn’t enjoy doing. I marked “joy school” on my calendar so that I wouldn’t overbook myself and I took those appointments seriously. I tried new hobbies, experienced new things, returned to old playgrounds, and just made sure I was actually LIVING my life instead of just surviving it. I loved joy school because my eyes were opened, my heart expanded, and I received new ideas as I was out enjoying myself. As a result, my business and relationships thrived. Creating joy every day must be a priority in order to sustain growth and create happiness.

Your joy matters and if you don’t prioritize joy, it can disappear. Honor that little child inside that craves joy, that wants to  be carefree and engaged in fun. Serve her and she will serve you.

So how do you prioritize joy? 

• Say yes to the things that don’t make sense but make you smile on the inside. 
• Schedule “Joy school” and block time on your calendar and then protect that appointment. 
• Try something new. 
• Say no to something that you feel you “should” do that actually causes more stress than its worth. 
• Evaluate your time and make sure your down time truly fills your joy cup back up. 

What brings you joy? Is it scheduled on your calendar? Do you do something joyful every week? Every day? What would it take for you to have a little bit more joy? Do that!

As for me, I am taking time to write. Taking time to be fully present with my kids. Meeting up with friends. Working on some passion projects. Going to yoga. Eating yummy food that I made in my kitchen. 

Remember, you are worthy and deserving of JOY! Prioritize it now and watch your life fall back into balance!

Our role as parents, grandparents, and teachers is to lead, guide, and walk beside our children.  It is our privilege to help them become mature and capable adults, yet sometimes challenging curve balls our thrown at our children. The bumps in the road cause parents to want to do more to help their offspring more than they have in the past.  Loving parents grasp for tools, resources and inspiration that help a children deal with:

• Fear
• Self-doubt or confidence issues
• Relationship Issues
• Confusion
• Frustration
• Anger
• School and learning challenges
• Unhealthy behaviors
• And a host of other issues and concerns.

Wise parents use prayer, faith, and hope to bring miracles into their children’s lives.  I have found a few other tools that complement the other positive approaches you are already using to help your children.

1. Use the power of intention and your mind. Our intentions can create needed and desired miracles!

2. Think Positive. Our thoughts have energy and sensitive children pick up on this energy and often internalize whatever vibrations we are sending out.  As new challenges pop up with each child, a parent spends time thinking about what is going on, how the situation is impacting their child, and what can be done.  Kids pick up on these thoughts because EVERY THOUGHT HAS ENERGY TO IT!  If you are thinking and analyzing a particular child’s current challenge, always end your thoughts with loving TRUTHFUL affirmations. Examples to use include:

• I believe in you.
• You will be fine.
• You are stronger than any problem or challenge.
• We will help you.
• You are worthy of our love, concerns, money, and efforts.
• We love you no matter what.

Whether your child is a toddler or a child-adult, they need to be receiving positive energy and light flowing from you.  There is so much negative energy flowing from the world to our posterity, we must do all we can to flow the truthful powerful and positive statements we can to combat the negative.

3. Practice verbal affirmations with your child.  Children yearn to feel good and any chid who can talk can repeat positive affirmations.  Planting the affirmations in a young child’s brain is equivalent to building a solid foundation in a new building.  The building is added to brick by brick, but the foundation is the key to the building.  Think of the phrases that that run through your own head, don’t you want to be the one to plant the seeds that forever grow in your child’s mind?  Effective affirmations to begin with include:

• I am loved.
• I am heard.
• I am understood
• I matter.
• I am safe.
• The world welcomes me.
• I am talented.
• I belong.
• I am strong.
• I am healthy.
• I am good.
• I have angels with me.
• I am a child of God.

At our house, we effectively use affirmations to release the negative energy in a few common situations. The process is extremely simple, yet it works. Here are two examples:

• Fear:  When my son experiences fear, we wrap our arms around him and listen to his concerns.  We take deep breaths together and then replace the fears with truths. If he is scared at night, we use affirmations like, “I am safe. I will always be safe.  I can peacefully go to sleep.  I dream about things I love like Legos, Sea World, and family vacation.”  I have my child repeat the affirmations until he feels better and then send him back to bed.
• Self-doubt:  If my child doubts his ability to perform or learn or do anything, we use the same approach described above.  We listen and talk for a few minutes, take some deep breaths together and then move into the affirmations.  I have my child repeat affirmations like, “I am capable.  I will always be able to do great things.  I have help when I need it.  I am beautiful.  I am smart.  I am talented and I am discovering new things I love about myself.”  We repeat affirmations until I can see in the child’s face that he feels okay.  The face always tells me if a child truly feels okay or not.  Seeing his countenance change confirms that his energy has changed and the energy work is completed.

4. Create with your children. Drawing, dancing, reading, pretending, and imagining are just the beginning of creative activities you can do together.  Any type of creating will feed your child’s spirit.  Strive to allow your child to indulge in creative pursuits of all types.  We were created to create!  Engaging in any positive creative activity increases our energy because it allows our spirits to reconnect to our bodies and we feel replenished, recharged, and more capable.

5. Give ‘em some of your good vibrations! Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto conducted numerous studies exploring the energetic power of certain attitudes and words.  Love and gratitude were proven to be  two of the strongest vibrations available.  We all “love” our children and always carry that love for them.  But did you know you can send your children that love in a way they can immediately feel?

I find it helpful to visualize my love in order to “send” it to someone. Picture all the love you have for your child, imagine his birth, the good moments you have had with him, the moments of pride as you watched him conquer new activities, and times where you knew he is a special gift from Heaven.  Picture yourself just gathering pockets of love and putting them in a giant, ever-growing, overflowing basket or box.  I then will mentally ask that Heaven add whatever love can be sent to my child.  I picture sending the basket of love and my child opening it and receiving the love just like a special Christmas gift.  Sometimes others are closed to our energy vibrations. In this case, I just leave the “gift” for the recipient by their bedroom door and let them know it is there as soon as they are ready to receive it.  I have been amazed as I have sent “gifts of love” for my family members to receive.  I find the recipient always feels more whole, is more loving themselves, and is more at peace with the world.

A quick way to still send powerful energy to a child (or anyone!) is to just say, “I love you! I love you! I love you!”   You can also send gratitude, “Thank you! I appreciate you! You are wonderful!”

Have you ever felt an unexpected connection to someone in the middle of a busy day?  Perhaps they were either sub-consciously or consciously sending good thoughts your way.  Practice using these tools to help your children.  You will find your children (no matter their ages) will appreciate remembering their true selves and worth as you shift the energy in your family.

Hi, my name is Ashlee and I am a recovering perfectionist.  I thought I had healed this little flaw and found my way, but somehow perfectionism has crept back in.  A funny thing about healing perfectionism is the desire to do so perfectly.  🙂

I’m not sure exactly when perfectionism reared its ugly head again.  It happens subtly.  Things seem like they are going just fine and you haven’t changed a bit, but really vulnerability is gone and shame has come in.  Looking back, I can see the markers, but I didn’t realize what was happening.

I was surprised to see recently I had fallen into that old habit or trying to do things just right.  Perfectionism comes in silent but is like fast-growing cancer.  At first, I felt justified and believed I was holding back and procrastinating for good reasons. My desire to produce quality and creative work is important to me. I didn’t realize that perfectionism had crept in until I took an honest look at what is holding me back.

Perfectionism kills connection and fosters isolation.  Perfectionism smashes creativity and leaves daunting tasks in its wake.  Perfectionism rarely serves and often hurts.  Perfectionism is kind of like that friend in elementary school who was always on again-off again.  You never knew quite where you stood until you felt the familiar sting of shame.  You wonder why you thought you could trust her because you have already learned that when you play with fire, you definitely will get burned.  Yet, you keep hoping things will be different this time.

A few years ago, I worked with a therapist on several issues, including perfectionism.  I read “The Gifts of Imperfection” at the time and recognized my pattern of perfection was not helping me create a life I love. With practice and my therapist guiding me, I was able to create new patterns of thinking.  I embraced being messy, allowed myself to celebrate projects being done (not perfect), and experienced greater freedom, joy, and productivity as a result. 

Perfection tells us we can’t move forward until we have everything just right.  Perfection tells us we are foolish to try until we know everything.  The drive for perfection limits joy and contentment.  The funny thing is I KNOW I am not perfect.  I can point out very specific examples where I am consciously choosing NOT to be perfect.  My front living room has been completely empty with no furniture for nearly 1.5 years since we moved into this home. Visitors see a lone yoga mat in the corner and cheap curtains and ask what we plan to do with the room.  I am likely to be the one house on our street with weeds in the flower beds because I care more about picking mental weeds with my clients. I embrace quesadilla night and celebrate choosing to keep dinner simple rather than getting all fancy like I use to do. I just recently removed the spider web that has been hanging for 6 months.  My car looks like a battlefield complete with kid debris and dirty socks. I participate in flawed webinars where I wear the same pajamas 6 days in a row.  That’s right, I work in my pajamas! I let all kinds of things go because my therapist taught me how to do that.!  I learned to be perfectly comfortable choosing where I shine and making conscious choices to be imperfect regularly.  So I thought I had this perfection thing nailed!

And then the urge/prompting to grow my energy business came in.  I would tell my business friends about how committed I am to growing. I would carry on about my dreamy plans that really weren’t plans at all. As individuals contacted me over the last 6 months wanting to participate in my Purely Alive Mentorship, I would respond, “Oh yes!  I am absolutely relaunching soon!”  And yet, there was not a plan in place to make that happen.  I KNOW I need to do it.  I can feel the importance of sharing my knowledge and, yet, I’ve been stuck.  I could identify legit reasons I was stuck and worked on those, but I totally didn’t see that perfection was ruling me in my business.  I didn’t know I was stuck because I was hiding behind things like perfectly updating my materials and website.

I would lie to myself every single day.

“My website isn’t ready to support everything I am doing, so I am creating a new one.”

“I will post once I have a photo and logo together….”

“I am mixing things up and making them better.”

“I need to build my following a bit more and then I will have enough people.”

Blah, blah, blah.  You get the idea!  When we constantly look for a legit reason to not move forward, we are guaranteed to find that reason and stay stagnant.  I felt justified in my procrastination.  I wanted to provide better customer experiences and I want to be at the top of my game.  Who doesn’t want to do their best? Plus I had firm reasons excuses of why it didn’t make sense to move forward until I fixed things.

This little website?  I hate it.  It really doesn’t reflect what I currently do or who I am. It’s clunky and even the colors bug me. In truth, I have multiple websites “under construction.” Under construction like an abandoned NASA project without direction or a solid plan to move forward.

All my headshots are 3 years old or more. How are people going to connect with me if my headshots are outdated?   I’m totally ready for new ones and will schedule them as soon as I drop a few pounds and find something I love to wear…or maybe it is that I am looking for just the right photographer.

My email drip campaigns are a mess, but I’m totally rewriting everything and it will be awesome when it is done…soon.

And then we get into the other judgments.  These are the ones that really stopped me in my tracks.  “I majored in marketing – what is wrong with me and why can’t I figure this out! What will people think?  What if nobody comes? What if I bite off more than I can chew and fail?  Who am I to run a multi-million dollar direct sales team AND be an energy coach?  If everything is energy and I really have it all figured out, I shouldn’t struggle and the people around me shouldn’t either.”

I would go to bed praying about how to take the next step and then run into fear and perfection every single morning.  I was subconsciously comparing myself to every other educational experience or coach in my world. I could see so many ways I needed to improve in order to justify my offering. I took multiple marketing classes and connected with some of the best coaches, all with the intention to learn what I needed to know to have a solid business launch. I didn’t realize that I was filling my head with information which was pushing out my inspiration. You see if I get quiet, the one thing I know is that I was born to work in this space.  I was born to connect others with themselves.  I was born to be purely alive and help others become purely alive.  I am here to help others let go of the false beliefs that hold them back and empower them to be present and happy!

I keep having the thought, “I need to launch my program.”  And then I self-sabotage or get busy working on noncritical pieces.  In reality, I need to just do it.  I need to trust that the right people are ready.  I know they are.  I can’t even remember or count the people who have asked me to open the doors on this!  Inspiration tells me that people are looking for exactly what I offer.  Inspiration tells me to trust myself and move forward, even though.  Inspiration says the time is now and so with full trust in heaven and myself, I am launching.  I am ignoring the quest for perfection and moving forward because it is what I was born to do. I am officially I am opening the doors on enrollment for my Purely Alive Mentorship regardless of the marketing being ideal. The class materials are ready and are exactly what is needed in by so many people right now.

After more than ten years of working with clients,  I created the Purely Alive Mentorship as a 6 month course and offered it for the first time last year. As I prepared the material for our calls each week, I could feel heaven open and the material practically wrote itself.  I knew that I was being used by God to empower my students.  And guess what?  I didn’t hold back waiting for perfection – no, I simply leaned in and a beautiful offering beyond my own talents was created. I had so much fun helping my students discover who they really are, how to access and rely on their spiritual gifts, how to deepen their trust in and understanding of God, how to hold joy and peace, and how to help others with the blocks we all face.  The good work that happened wasn’t because of me, but I was able to tune in and bring something unique to the world.

More than perfection in the worldly sense, I want to be in perfect alignment with God’s will for me.  The “sweet spot” of being on His errand, while using my talents and gifts to help others, is the exact place I want to be working. Last year, I thrived working with my Mentorship students and I didn’t need a perfect website because I relied on Him.  Sure, I will keep moving forward to get my marketing in line with my vision, but in the meantime, there are people waiting and it is time. My top priority is not going to be setting up all the stuff to go make a difference to people.  I want to make a difference to people right now, with what I have today. Perfection isn’t me but leaning into faith is totally where I shine.

Here’s to letting perfection go (again).  Here’s to trusting God. Here’s to deciding enough is enough and done is better than perfect.  Here’s to making a difference despite our imperfections.  Here’s to growing and becoming.  Here’s to choosing in.  Here’s to bravery and joy.  Here’s to connection and creativity and living on purpose.  Here’s to being Purely Alive.

Entrepreneurs have it made! Set your own hours! Be your own boss! Decide what you do and when you do it. It is awesome to be an entrepreneur until you don’t want to do what needs to be done. And if you are like most people, as soon as you fall into the funk of not wanting to do the tasks at hand, you engage in self sabotage.

Self sabotage is taking subtle actions that destroy your long term goals and take you off course.

Here are 5 ways to identify your own self-sabotage:

1 – You are avoiding simple tasks or people that can help you. Procrastinating that one text or phone call is a sure sign that you are not doing the simple actions that create long term success. My favorite way to stop procrastinating is to ask myself, “What is the tiniest step I can do to move in the right direction on this project?” We can cover a lot of ground by taking small, tiny courageous steps. Moving forward with tiny steps is still moving forward.

2 – You are engaged in negative self talk. Negative self talk can be as simple as criticising the work you are getting done or completely bashing yourself about every aspect of your life. You are not the worst person ever or the messiest person alive! You may be someone that has gotten overwhelmed and discouraged but this doesn’t mean you are not amazing and destined for success. The fastest way I have found to change the habit of negative self talk is to utilize regular postitive affirmations. There are many ways to change your thinking but it always starts with choosing a new and better way.

3 – You become a very creative storyteller. My stories usually start like this…”They probably aren’t interested. I am probably bugging them. They would tell me if they wanted to come…they probably hate that I do oils…I am so annoying…she is probably mad at me because she didn’t like my post…” Blah, blah, blah! When we self-sabotage we create complete and often detailed stories about things that aren’t true. The interesting thing is that your brain can’t tell truth from fiction. You can actually trick your brain into believing other creative stories like, “She is probably just hoping I will reach out and call… she is probably too shy to tell me she is interested…” you get the idea. Be creative, but use your storytelling to create stories that empower you and drive you forward toward your goals.

4 – You eliminate your self-care. When you quit doing the basics – washing your face, taking your vitamins, getting out in the sunshine, eating meals at regular times, exercising – you are telling yourself that your health and wellness doesn’t matter. When I skip self care, I fall quickly into negative self-talk and keep up the self-sabotage madness. Choose simple self-care activities, create appointments with yourself or others to make sure you don’t ignore your number one asset, YOU!

5 – You focus on situations or activities that don’t really matter. I know it is time for self-evaluation when I start worrying about what others are doing. I know it is time to refocus my attention when I start checking Facebook every ten minutes instead of doing truly valuable income-producing activities. I know it is time to let go and release when I am rehashing a frustrating conversation in my head over and over. Stopping to ask myself, “Who am I? What do I really want?” can be a helpful reset when I am allowing my focus to drift. If I find I am really stuck in the self-sabotage cycle, talking with a friend or someone that inspires me reminds me that I really do have goals I want to achieve and that I CAN do it.

It is natural to fall into self-sabotage, the trick is having a plan for those moments so that you can end the cycle quickly and make the most of your work hours. Lately, I have found that I quit my own self sabotage and move forward when I break my tasks down into smaller parts and choose to give even just 5% more effort.

As an entrepeneur, you must develop the skills to put yourself back on track! You are bigger than the distractions. You are meant to grow and change. When you find yourself off course, you can always redirect your energy and move forward towards your goals. Don’t let self-sabotage rule your life. Take control and choose actions that lead to your ultimate desires. Think about it – What is you really want? Are you doing anything to self sabotage yourself? What is the smallest step you can take right now to grow your business and let go of the self sabotage cycle? I know you can do it and I can’t wait to see you grow!

We all have those days and moments where we forget we are powerful creators, destined for happiness and success.  Music has a huge impact on our spirits and this playlist was designed to lift you up, inspire you, and help you remember that you really can do great things!  I use this playlist when I am feeling down or disconnected from my purpose.  The lyrics of each song are positive, inspire action, and help me to be in tune with my own power.

You may find one song sticks out to you and causes you to move towards your goals – listen to it as many times as you need to because you really do deserve to feel good and be happy!

1. Fight Song – Rachel Platten

2. You’re Not Alone – Marie Miller

3. Roar – Katy Perry

4. Let it Go – Idina Menzel

5. Best Day of My Life – American Authors

6. Brave – Sara Bareilles

7. Live Like a Warrior – Matisyahu

8. Good Time – DJ Fit Hits

9. Life – Beckah Shae

10. I lived – One Republic

11. On Top of the World – Imagine Dragons

12. Now is the Start – Fine Frenzy

13. Dare You to Move – BYU Vocal Point

14. Take On the World – Rowan Blanchard & Sabrina Carpenter

15. Newsies Medley: Seize the Day – BYU Vocal Point

16. Glorious – David Archuleta

I am seeing tons of social media friends determined to simplify!  I have friends clearing out their homes to go live on the road in RVs, I have friends clearing out the clutter, and I have friends saying “no” more often.  Perhaps we all need to simplify one aspect of our lives or another.  Seeking greater happiness, my friends are recognizing that material things and picture perfect lives are not where joy is found.  Joy is found in giving ourselves permission to be ourselves!  Joy is achieved by listening to the voice inside and honoring what she knows.  She is a smarty pants, but sometimes we completely ignore her, which often leads to frustration and unhappiness.

Too often we say yes to the wrong things.  And we tell ourselves no to the activities that would actually cause us delight.  We keep belongings that no longer serve us.  (I know you are not a hoarder, but do you have anything around your home that no longer serves you?)  We ignore our intuition in order to please others.  We stifle our own desires either because we are fearful of disappointing others or because we just don’t stop and listen to our spirits!

Happy lives can be found in learning to ask and truthfully answer fantastic questions.  Here is the litmus test that can be applied throughout your life:

Does this spark joy??

As commitments and opportunities come your way in your business, you will know if you should participate if you simply ask yourself those four words. Does speaking at this event spark joy?  Do I feel a spark of joy when I think about partnering with that person?

Does this pair of size ultra-small-maybe-some-day-they-will-fit jeans hanging in my closet spark joy? Or do they bring in a different feeling?  If they don’t spark joy, I need to pass them on to some skinny toothpick that will find delight in them!

Does going to meet my friends with the kiddos in the park spark joy in my heart?  Some days, yes!! This week?? I chose to just get back in bed and read my Kindle!  Yes, I could have gone to the park and would have had fun – but truthfully my spirit craved some quiet time.  So without any judgement and a little giggle, I got back in bed in the middle of the afternoon.  This simple indulgence did spark joy!!

I am not suggesting you give up on life and get back in bed every day – but I am challenging you to be honest with yourself and seek joy.  Let go of the activities that no longer lift and inspire you. Commit to find sparks of joy in both your life and business.

Your heart knows!! Your heart is designed to give you that little spark so that you can find the things that truly make you happy!   We should be experiencing sparks of joy on a daily basis.  We are meant to be happy but it is up to us to create that in our own lives.  When we increase our joy, we naturally increase our positive energy.

Try this simple tool out and let me know how it works for you!

I have found it helpful to have reminders of what I am creating.  Enjoy these Facebook cover images to help keep you focused on your vision.

Thomas Edison stated, “If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”  I have been giving this attitude much thought as I am knocking down old false beliefs.  Yes, even the teacher has negative ideas that stop me from progression.  Right now, I am preparing to launch my energy training program.  The time has definitely come and I am determined to empower others, yet the old silly lies continue to show up… “Who am I to teach others?  What do I really know?  I don’t know how to do this…” And that is just the tip of the iceberg!  While I do have self doubts, I also know that there is a God in heaven that walks by my side.  Everything I have ever learned or accomplished has been by His power.  He is the God of miracles and if He can help Esther, Moses, Adam and so many more, He will surely help me.

Sometimes I wonder why we are afraid of growing and developing ourselves.  It is one of our greatest purposes – discovering our own greatness, yet that path can be filled with potholes big enough to get stuck in.  Mr. Edison knew that there was a deep power inside him.  He knew that he could only fail if he gave up on himself.  Despite being kicked out of school, blowing up labs, and tremendous disappointments, Thomas pressed on.  He knew that there was something great lying inside himself.  He would not accept anything less than bringing forth his vision.  Surely he had mastered the negative thinking and had determined to not allow any present circumstances or others to stop him.

Why do we stop our progress?  The reasons are varied and too numbered to list, but two come to mind.  One, we compare ourselves to others.  We look to our neighbor and decide that we fall short and are not enough in some way.  We then allow that thought to spiral until we are certain that we really don’t have any business pursuing that crazy dream!  For instance, there are many forms of energy work in the world – some are brilliant and some make me uncomfortable. I have studied many books, learned from great teachers, and even attended some courses, but at the end of the day, the way I do energy is totally different from anything I have encountered.  I have been taught moment by moment and client by client.  I have brought questions to the Lord and He has taught me the next step to helping others release negative energy.  Am I an energy expert?  I don’t know if I am an expert, I do know that I have learned a lot about energy over the last ten years!  More importantly, I uneqivacolly know that there is something that happens when I help others discover their own truths so they can feel alive and connected!  I have watched clients come alive and be present once we clear out the negative thinking.  I can have an awesome experience unless I allow self doubt to creep in and wonder how my own approach compares to others.  Comparison is never a winning approach.  I either cut down another or cut down myself, either way I am left feeling empty on some level.  If I want to make progress, I have to keep my eye fixed upon an immovable standard.  For me, that standard is always a question like these: “Am I accepted by God? Am I doing the right things for God? Is my heart in the right place?  Am I pleasing Him?” If I am pleasing Him, I am on the right path and it doesn’t matter what others offer or do.  My path is my path and I get to honor that fact.  I choose to let go of any comparisons and progress in exactly the right ways at the right times according to His will.

Another reason we don’t progress is that we overthink it! Overanalyzing can cause us to completely stop progressing.  It is okay to move forward without knowing all answers.  It is exhilarating to take a step of faith.  Progress, not perfection, is the goal.  When I overthink my projects or business ideas, they often never leave the ground.  When I just move forward, trusting it will all come together, my ideas do take flight.  Yes, sometimes there are some unanticipated bumps, but I am going for progress and so it is okay.

I challenge you to let go of the habits of comparison and overanalyzing.  Move forward with faith and courage.  Develop the confidence needed as you make simple steps to become who you really area and fulfill your personal mission.  For me, my next step is launching my Purely Alive energy training. I am ready to astound myself and take that leap of faith!

I am sitting in a hotel room in Minneapolis and it is -2 degrees outside.  The Mall of America is just minutes from my hotel and yet I am sitting here snuggled in my comforter.  The voice that shows up in my head says, “You should get up and get ready.  You should go do something.  Go see the roller coaster…experience life.  You should go check out this or that. You should go meet people.  You are here to do business…get up, go.” And while I would not be thrilled to go out into the frigid weather, that is not the reason I am sitting here still.

There is an energy out there that challenges each and every one of us.  The mentality of having to do more, be more, push to be better, accomplish and achieve, produce on all levels, and prove ourselves and our worth is at times damaging.  The nature of our immediate satisfaction world, coupled with our fast paced lives filled with texts and conversations and posts, creates pressure.  We often experience life in terms of “How would I post this on Facebook?  I have to take a picture for Instagram.”  We love it and we hate it.  I know I am not the only one that fills overwhelmed by the notifications, the emails, the voicemails, the calls at times.  I crave the connections and want to be a part of it, yet sometimes I just want to hide.

I have learned that it is hard for me to be still.  It is hard to disconnect and say, “I’m done.  I need to pull back.  I am regrouping over here and I am not going to push.  I am going to lean in to being still.”

Stillness is critical yet so uncomfortable.  Stillness is just being and feeling and listening.  Stillness is quieting the bossy voice inside and instead gently speaking to our spirit.  “It is good to be still.  Just be.  Just breathe.  Don’t reach for that phone.  It can all wait.  Right now we are just focused on being still.”

I am going to be still.  I have spent the last few years flying here or there, doing all I can, leaving no stone unturned.  I have lived every day to the max and thought that this was wholehearted living.  I thought if I did all I could do, and experienced everything possibly and didn’t waste a moment, I would eventually strike a balance.  I wanted to play full out and I did.  I have given everyone and everything all I had.  We have scheduled time for work and learned to schedule time for play. We made sure that there were times where we were having fun, believing that this would prevent burnout.  And it wasn’t bad, there was plenty of fun and I liked parts of it.

I believed that there was always more I could give because I had learned to rely so greatly on God.  If I didn’t have the desire or energy, He did.  And He came through so many times.  Things I have done would not have happened without his abundant help.  I am not sure at what point it happened, but somewhere along the way I became someone who never stopped, who decided things were okay even when they weren’t.  I pushed even when I didn’t want to.  I faced fears and I ignored my own needs thinking they were small and didn’t matter.  “It’s okay,” I would tell myself.  “I should be happy I get to do these things.  I will have time to relax later.  I can keep going.  It’s only a little bit of time…it will only take me a few minutes to do this for this person…it will be fine…I am happy, I am blessed, I am where I belong.”

And I sort of was, but not completely.  Imagine a symphony only playing in one loud dramatic volume.  It might be fun for a one song, but an entire concert of loud masterpieces would not satisfy the soul.  The best symphonies draw you in with crescendos and decrescendos.  You are able to feel the music in the quiet parts.  The variety of volume is critical to enjoying the experience and certain emotions can only be felt when it is quiet.

I have had a few friends in the last month announce on Facebook, “I’m disconnecting.  Things are fine, but I need to focus elsewhere.  I need to be away from my phone.  I will be back but I am taking a break for a few days.”  I respect that action but think it shows what a crazy world we live in when we have to announce that we need some space.  We all need to give ourselves permission to pull back, to slow down and to be still.  I think it would be awesome if we could just say, “Hey!  This is a still day for me.  I need to check out so I can come back refreshed.”  We could all support each other and say, “Yeah! Still days are the best!  You deserve it!  Enjoy! We will be here when you get back.  Don’t worry about responding to any of our messages and we won’t judge if you are being still for an extended period of time.”  Instead of just celebrating the weekend, we could celebrate Still Days.

Here is my problem, I think I swung so far to the side of being busy and producing and serviceable and engaged that now I crave a huge amount of stillness.  And it is the type of stillness that can’t be ignored. It started brewing last March when  I remember telling my husband, “If we do not disconnect in a major way this summer, I feel like I will snap.  It is critical for me to just have time off where I can’t be reached and where I can just be me.”

We made plans to disconnect from our lives in a big way.  We rented our San Diego home out to our beach-loving friends and we left for about 7 weeks.  We drove through California, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and Idaho.  Justin flew to Oklahoma and Florida to teach a couple classes and I flew to Washington and Texas.  Then we took our entire family to Aruba for 2 weeks where we recharged.  I felt the trickles coming back in and I celebrated that we had been brave enough to listen to the voice inside that said it was time to rest.  We left Aruba and flew to Virginia where we visited a brand new niece and toured DC in a blitz. From DC, we flew to Atlanta and then drove to South Carolina to visit my Aunt’s bed and breakfast.  Although she hasn’t hung a shingle out, it is better than a real bed and breakfast.  She is a trained chef and we enjoyed her hospitality and the nearby beach. Back to Atlanta for a few business meetings, then finally a flight home to LA where we picked up our car and drove to San Diego.

A magical, unforgettable summer with plenty of breaks, lots of beach time, and a bit of work mixed in.  It was wonderful and yet, when we returned home, my cup was still not full.  Six months later I discovered why.  Although I had insisted upon pulling back and doing less, inside I had so much self judgement about that choice.

I felt bad that I was tapped out and could not give anymore.  I felt bad that I wanted to be still when sitting on a beach and didn’t even desire to chase my kids.  I felt good that I had gotten away but felt bad that I needed the break so bad.  And if you read the schedule we kept, it was both invigorating and exhausting.  And not one time last summer did I tell myself, “I need this.  I deserve this.  It is okay to be still.  Of course you don’t want to run on the beach and it is okay!”  I was never compassionate towards myself.

I justified the experience with thoughts like: “It is good to create family memories so it is okay that we are doing this.  It is giving me time to read and reconnect to God.  I am doing this so I will be ready to go again.”  Those things are all good and true but there was a layer of self-judgement in every city we visited.

I am retraining my thoughts.  I am embracing the days where I get to be still.  I am releasing the self judgement and practicing self compassion.  I am letting go of doing being and having, and just leaning in to the stillness.  I am seeing that God knew what we needed when he said, “Be Still and know that I God.”  He knew there would be people like me who would not know when to say, “Enough is enough.”  He knew that we would be in a busy world with all the contacts we could possibly want coming from a tiny little i-Phone.  He knew that we would crave success and peace and not know where to find it.  He knew that we would engage in good things and still not live whole heartedly.

“Be still and know that I am God.”  I always thought that meant to stop your worrying and trust God to handle things.  I think it also means to literally be still.  Stop. Rest. Be still and trust that He can watch over things for you.  Trust that if you need to be still, He is not going anywhere.  He will still love you because He is God.

He wants us to not just lean in to the stillness, but to actually lean in to Him.  And I thought I was doing that the last few years.  Before committing to working with clients or to being at an event, I would always check in with God.  I could close my eyes in an instant and know if the opportunity was a good fit for me.  But I quit checking in with myself.  I quit asking myself what I really wanted, thinking that if God was good with the plan, I would be good too.  I still think that is true, but I think we were given a brain and a heart that were meant to be used.  We were meant to be involved in our lives and to use our agency.   Now I am bringing my own feelings to the table, knowing that whatever I am feeling is okay and understood by God.  Now I can say, “I’m needing to be still, and I am going to let this one thing go.”I feel the peace come in and I know that God is with me.

When my spirit says, “I’m tired and I want to rest.” I am resting without judging myself for not being motivated to do more.  When my spirit says, “I don’t want to get dressed,”  I am saying a pajama day is okay.  When my spirit says, “I am scared,” I am asking questions and being gentle with myself. When I think, “It’s too cold to go outside!  I don’t want to go anywhere!” I am looking a little deeper.  I am doing a heart check and asking myself what I am really feeling.

I acknowledge that I don’t love the cold here in Minneapolis, but really I want to sit in my little hotel room and just be still. The need to be still is greater than my dislike of cold and snow.   The old me would say, “You have all this time away from kids!  Do the things you can’t get done with them – launch that program, make those calls, go run the errands you can’t get done! Go, go, go!!!”  The new me recognizes that while I don’t get as much done when I am surrounded by my littles, I also don’t rest as much.  With three children and a busy family, still moments are few and far between and a still day is nearly unheard of.  It makes perfect sense to me that when I know they are taken care of and I have a comfy bed to sit in, I would want to just be still.  It is okay for me to lean in to the stillness.

I have discovered that half my problem with being still was the judgments I was making towards myself in those moments.  When we step into self judgement, we do not feel peaceful, accepted, loved, or loving.  It is natural to judge ourselves, but I believe we have to take the next step of self compassion.  Learning and practicing self compassion has helped me to be braver, to love myself and other more, and to be okay with it is happening right now in the moment.

It has since started snowing since I began this journal.  There is no way I am going outside now.  It is a good thing I have such a comfy place to hole up and be still.